I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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