Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
