Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
