i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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