Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
