it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize