hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
