so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
