Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
