I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
