Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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