the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
