Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
