maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
