I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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