ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You're like the curious george of whores
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
