My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
