Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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