his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
