I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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