I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
