does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
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I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
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I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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