what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
