I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
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I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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