haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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