he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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