my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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