remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
