I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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