when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
