if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
