He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We left an ass print on the piano.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
