we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
