Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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