Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
