The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
