And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
