don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
