Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
