Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
