so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
