sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
