Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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