Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
