K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
