Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
