You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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