sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
