My sheets look like a crime scene.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
false alarm. still invincible.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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