Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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