she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
