I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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