i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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