I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
