hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
