Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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