Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wish you could order shots online.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
How external is "for external use only"?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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