WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
