Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
