is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
