today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
