Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
