what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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