Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
