I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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