batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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