Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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