come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
