i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
