Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
