my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
