if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
